Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
