So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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