He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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