there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
