haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
