I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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