omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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