walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
