like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
