I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
