We got so high we made milksteak
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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