U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
