I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
