Are we in a gay sports bar?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
