my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
