Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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