I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who wears a wallet chain?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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