508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
