I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
