True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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