I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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