walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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