Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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