Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
