eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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