Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
