no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
