I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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