I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
