I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
