we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
