my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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