Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
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Do I have a choice?
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
