He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
