Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
