I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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