Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
