Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
