dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
