I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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