i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
