tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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