Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
