Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You work out of a Hotel?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
