seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
