tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
