There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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