Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
