And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
