Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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